You Invited a Viper to the Card Table
by Titania Le Fey
Summary: A crossover between Snake Plissken and Dr. Greg House.


Snake sat across from the doctor more disgruntled then usual. He knew he was bad at cards. House knew he was bad at cards. Still he convinced him to come here. Snake grumbled and looked down at the empty glass beside him.

"Are you too drunk to match the symbols? I can come over and help if it would make this hand end before morning."

Snake had enough of that too. Picking up the cards he threw them at the doctor while ignoring the two on either side.

"Do I sense aggravation?"

Snake glared. "This is bullshit." Snake was fed up. He hated cards especially poker.

"House."

Greg ignored the complaint of the other players. "I suppose you have a better idea. A better form of gambling than these cards and a free support of your dying liver with a whole bottle of fine, expensive, whiskey."

Snake ignored him and looked at the empty bottle wondering if he knew Snake wasn't that drunk yet.

"I know you like to gamble. What do you do? Blackjack, slots, no those are probably too boring for you."

Snake listened to the babble as he unsnapped the holsters and produced both shiny revolvers. They came down with a thud on the table before him. The other two players backed away but Greg just got an amused look.

"Are those a bet on your…" The doctor fumbled to retrieve the thrown cards. "...pair of eights?"

Snake shook his head slowly.

"Ah... so this is your gambling revelation. Do you think this is the Wild West?"

Snake cracked a dangerous grin that raised the doctor's brow in curiosity.

"I must've forgot to put that down on my paperwork as a health risk?" Snake answered quiet and flat. "Sorry."

House almost smiled at the sarcasm. "You're telling me you kill people for money? No wonder we get so many gunshot wounds at the hospital. Must be your fault."

Snake was going to be nasty but instead smiled as he stood and reholstered his weapons. "Someone's got to keep your hospital in business."

Snake headed for the door. He'd had enough of trying to be a civil member of society for one night. It was time to go home before he lost his temper.

"Snake."

He could hear the cane on the steps behind him but Plissken didn't stop.

"What kind of guns are those?" The cane had stopped somewhere before the driveway.

Plissken ambled around to stare at the doctor briefly. "Smith and Wesson Hunter 629 revolvers."

Snake commented before turning back to finish heading for his motorcycle parked behind House's own bike. The doctor was coming again. Snake could hear the cane and when he looked up the childish grin made him wonder what was going on.

"Ah... do you carry those everywhere?"

Snake looked up from the bike. He was tired of this.

"Do you carry your Vicodin everywhere or are those mints you keep in a medical bottle?" Snake shot back.

House froze and Snake put the keys in the ignition.

"Yes. Are those compensation for something else?"

Snake glared. "You're my doctor maybe you can tell me if I need to compensate for anything?"

Greg stared at him for a second. "I…"

Snake cut him off. "Are you done harassing me or you looking to get shot?"

Plissken gave him a serious look. Greg answered with a smile. "Can I see them?"

Snake smirked and pulled his coat aside before letting it fall closed. "See."

"Are you always like this?"

"I don't know, are you?" Snake retorted trying his damnedest not to crack a smile.

"You mean a cheerful, obnoxious, asshole who just happens to harass men with guns?" House cocked his head. "Yes."

"Good." Plissken answered. "So am I."

Greg shook his head a bit. "I bet it's safe to assume you have more of those at home."

"Almost as good as betting on me in a gunfight." Snake smirked.

"Right." House's expression revealed just a touch of discomfort. "How many more do you have?"

The child-like quality was back and Snake rolled his eye. "Sound just like my kids."

"Do you expect maturity from a doctor?"

"I don't care."

"Fair enough" Greg answered with an expectant look.

"Tell you what…" Snake commented turning on the engine. "If you can keep up we'll play show and tell."

"I do know where you live."

"Who said I was going home?" Snake didn't wait and started to turn the bike. He knew House would keep up. He was a man just like Snake, he hated to lose and not get what he wanted. Snake turned the throttle and heard the other bike start up. It was time to race or at least Plissken had that in mind. 


End file.
